Hi
ladies! Happy Valentine's Day! With the theme of love in the air, I
thought I'd take the time to give you a few pointers I've picked up over
the years. I've been through a lot in my 33 years and while I'm
definitely no expert on love, I have been dealt my fair share of ups and
downs some of which I'd like to share with you today. I figured it's
fitting for today!
A
little background on me for those of you who don't know me so well...
like i said, i'm 33... i had a pretty... full... dating life from the
ripe young age of 16 on... no i wasn't a hoochie mama (not the whole
time anyway!) but i truly believed that in order to find my soul mate i
would have to date a lot of fish and throw most back in the sea
to even know what kind of fish i liked! i met my first (yes first, now
EX) husband when i was around 21. We didn't start dating until i was 25
and eventually got married. the beginning of our relationship was great.
we were both loved to party, had a ton of friends and thought we had it
all figured out. we had a HUGE wedding, got 2 dogs, and a condo that i paid for...
and then our marriage which was only 11 months old fell apart. Long
story short, it involved a 2nd DWI for him along with him quitting his
job and trying to open up a brand new business having no experience in
either business or dry cleaning (yes he opened a dry cleaners, no he is
not asian). So, 11 months. a little longer than the infamous
kardashian-humphries drama, but still not something i'm very proud of.
however, what i am proud of is what i learned in that period of my life.
Followed by a couple of years of living on my own and finding out who i
was. In that time i ended up throwing a few more fish back into the
sea, and then i finally met AND MARRIED the love of my life 5 months
ago.
so
without further ado i present to you "Shay's Top 10 Rules for Finding
your Soul Mate" with some "footnotes" of personal wisdom to go along
with them.
1. Life is too short to be unhappy, so seize the moment and find your happiness.
I
was in a pretty bad car accident a few years ago. My SUV was t-boned
by a pick up truck that ran a red light. I didn't have time to react,
think or have my life flash before my eyes. BAM! I thought I was dead.
After the jaws of life got me out of the car accompanied by 6 HOT firefighters,
i was lucky enough to walk away with only a few scratches. After that, i
realized how fragile life is, and how we never know when it could be
our time to head towards the light. At the time, every morning
as i drove to work, i would be wishing i was somewhere, anywhere else on
earth. I fantasized about getting in my car and just leaving my life
behind. EVERY.DAY. I felt trapped in a marriage and a life that I didn't
know how to get out of. And i let it control me, i let it take me, i
let it depress me. And then i realized, we only get 1 shot at this thing
we call life, so it was time for me to own mine, reclaim it from all
the mental and verbal abuse i was allowing to happen to me, take control
of what i could and if my ex wasn't willing to give up his nasty
drinking habit for OUR future, then i had to give up on him. It wasn't a
happy ending at the time, but the happiness came eventually.
2. Believe. In yourself, in your partner and in love.
This
has been a repeating lesson for me over the years. Its hard to get back
up when you fall down sometimes, its hard to believe there is someone
out there that is a truly good person when you're so scarred from
someone who wasn't so great. Its hard to believe that you deserve to
find love and happiness, but believe me, you deserve it unless you're a mean girl. And i think you have to start by believing in yourself and in the power of love before you can believe in anyone else.
3. Trust in God.
Now,
i'm not an overly religious person... i don't pray everyday (though i
probably should) i dont go to church every week (though i probably
should) BUT i do trust in God to guide me. I do believe that he has a
plan for me. I'm not saying that He isn't giving me free will to make my
own choices, but I know in the end, with His guidance, i'll end up
exactly where i'm supposed to be.
 |
| does it LOOK like i'm getting up anytime soon? i think not. hmpf. |
4. Just when you think you can't get back up, get up!
My
divorce really knocked me on my a$$. And there were days that i didn't
want to face the world, face my family, even face my friends. But
getting up and facing the music will only make you stronger. Just keep a
positive attitude, try to learn from your experiences and remember
"tomorrow is a new day".
5. If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
Because, really what else are you going to do? Be the old lady that has 50 cats? (Shout out to all the cat lovers out there!)
 |
| te hee hee... |
Listen, i'm not saying the dating world isn't full of creepers... i've dated a creeper or ten
in my past. like the guy that was a cop and told me he had unlimited
access to any drug i wanted, or the guy that told me his nipples were
"dry", or the guy who's pick up line was "hey baby, you're hot as F*ck"
(what does that even MEAN? yet, i dated him for 3 months #fail) BUT... i
met my husband on a night i was out with my girlfriends, having a good
time, not looking for anything but being open to it. and if i wasn't
willing to keep trying, we might not have ended up like we did.
 |
| our wedding day! |
6. There are plenty of fish in the sea, date LOTS of them.
Because
otherwise, how will you know what you like? Guys come in all different
shapes, sizes (get your minds out of the gutter!) personalities and
morals. The only way to know what you like is to sample what's out there
(and my sample, i don't necessarily mean sleep with... unless you want
to of course). And maybe have a few free dinners along the way! i kid i
kid! Actually, i have kept in touch with many of my ex-boyfriends over
the years, most of them are good guys... they just weren't the right guy
for me.
7. Your girlfriends can be your greatest allies, don't lose sight of them
Yes,
you're looking for love, but PLEASE don't be the girl that drops
everything for a guy. Yes, i get it, you're excited, you're in love,
you're so happy you shit rainbows and unicorns... and as your girl
friend, i'm totally happy for you BUT i don't want to LOSE your
friendship because you've met Mr. Right. Yes our bar hopping days may
dwindle, but try to keep in mind there are other things we can do
together - shopping, dinners, drooling over Edward Cullen... My girl
friends were my ROCK when i went thru my tough times. They understood
and didn't judge and tried to give me the best advice they could. But it
was because I kept the connection going that whole time... I didn't
just lean on them when I was in need... ya get where i'm going here?
8. Stand up for yourself.
Maybe
the single most important thing i've finally learned (with a lot of
help from my therapist). At the end of the day, no one is going to stand
up for you except for you. And if you let someone mistreat you, walk
all over you, take advantage of you, the only one you can REALLY blame
is yourself. It took me a long time to do this. But when i finally
realized what i was worth, it was life changing. I'm not saying not to
be nice, generous, loving. But do not stand for someone that doesn't
appreciate what you bring to the table. (Wow i sound like a self-help
book huh?)
9. If you think he's "just not that into you", he's probably not!
As
the book says, "if he's not moving mountains to be with you..." and
honestly, i think this is true. my husband pursued me from the night we
met. he texted me the next day and we went out that night. he knew what
he wanted and went after it especially since i had a tight hot bod back then
and skipped all the game playing and 3-day rule nonsense. your guy may
not take as direct an approach, but if he's into you, he'll make it
known. previous to my husband, i dated someone for a year and a half who
wouldn't even officially make me his girlfriend. at the end of the day,
i realized i wasn't enough of a priority in his life to have that
status for whatever reason, hence, he just wasn't THAT into me. i said
peace out and met my husband 2 weeks later!
10. He's not perfect and neither are you.
I
mean, no one is really... many of us TRY to be, but there are going to
be times when he messes up and there are going to be times when you mess
up. And unless its a BIG mess up, try to learn from it and forgive. And
hope he'll do the same for you. Bob Marley said it perfectly...
Well there ya have it. My wisdom passed down. I'm sure there's still a lot in life i have to learn like how to dougie. But, i've finally found my happy place. And I hope you find yours too. :)
