Wednesday, April 20, 2011

And then I woke up.


Did you ever have a dream that when you woke up you thought it really happened? That's what happened to me last night. I'm guessing I had this dream because this person has been on my mind for a while now. (See this post at the bottom)

So in my dream I remember going to visit M in my dream. (IRL she just moved to a new apt with her BF and got a new puppy) and I was going there to see the dog and her place. A lot of the details now are very fuzzy, but i remember for some reason both of our families were there. And as we were sitting down and talking, i look down and see this enormous engagement ring on her finger. And when i say enormous, in my dream that puppy was like 10 carats. Though in the dream when i asked, she told me it was 3 (funny how the mind distorts things).

Pause. a little back story to my friendship with M. We have pretty much been BFFs for 10 years. I met her right as i was finishing college through a mutual friend. We had a lot of similarities and just clicked. Over the years, even though we live about an hour away from each other, we have managed to maintain a close friendship. Granted as our lives move on, and as we get older and don't hit the party scene as much, our times together have dwindled, but we've always managed to talk to each other everyday either by phone, email or IM. Until this past summer. When it all changed. M started dating JB "supposedly" in August. I say "supposedly" because i think they both basically lied to me about when they started dating. A)because he had a long-term gf for 4 years and hadn't called it quits with her and B) because i "dated" JB a couple of years ago (not knowing he was still with the girlfriend and therefore a scumbag player, and by dated i dont mean dated, i mean drunken hooking up, you get the picture). BUT Anyway. Since they started "officially" dating, she has completely distanced herself from me, for whatever reasons, and when we do talk, its very awkward. She only wants to brag about what HE buys her aka "he got me Christian Louboutins for Valentines Day, what did YOU get", or we talk about general kinds of things, other friends, work, the weather. So that's the abridged version of the backstory.

OK, back to the dream... so i look down, see the ring, and was like, "wait... you got engaged and didn't even TELL me???" she looks at me sheepishly and was like, "yeah, i wanted to talk to you about that"... so we end up going into another room where she starts crying and i start basically going off on her about how crappy of a friend she is and how hurt i am over her distance and how i can't believe that she got engaged and didn't tell me. then i ask how long have you been engaged... and she says... 9 weeks! well at that point i just lost it and felt myself not able to breathe, that's how enraged i was. and starting to scream at her, but no words were really coming out because i was so choked up.

And then... i woke up.

What a seriously f'ed up dream right? I mean, i guess i am just so at a loss over this whole thing IRL, that it carried over in my dream. And thus far, i haven't said a word to her about how i feel because i don't know if our lack of friendship would even matter to her (i'm certainly not the first person she's written off as a friend, and i'm sure i won't be the last). Anyway, just had to share, guess its something that's bothering me a lot more than i thought.

On a happier note, when i did finally crawl out of bed this morning, someone didn't want to wake up, and had buried himself IN the pillows. He wouldn't even open his eyes at first! I had to snap a photo!

1 comment:

  1. Oh what a precious puppy! how cute. I saw you on one of the other blogs and that you are from NJ. Me too!