Friday, April 8, 2011

Random Musings...

So not much going on this week. Just trying to make it to the weekend... Saturday i get to watch this sweet little girl...

i'm actually not sure who's more excited to babysit, me or the BF (cute, right?) i'm hoping the weather holds out so we can take her to the playground!

Other than that, i found this cute steamer (and mini steamer) in InStyle mag the other night, and decided i'd like to be wrinkle-free. :P

Of course when i checked for it on, it's sold out. But i googled (how did people exist before google!) and they also sell it at Bed Bath & Beyond, which is even better so I can use a 20% coupon!

In more personal news, I'm having some mixed feelings about a friendship. I don't think i want to go into too much detail but i'm just sad because i feel like i'm losing someone who was very near and dear to me for a long time. And mostly, i blame her. I found out that she lied to me about some things and was just being shady in general and I feel betrayed. But since she's never fessed up, nor have i confronted her about it, its almost like the elephant in the room. Its turned into a strained friendship, and i know she's definitely distancing herself from me, and in turn i find myself doing the same thing back. And yet, something keeps bringing me back to trying to keep in touch, trying to keep the connection alive... is it because we've been best friends for so long, because we have so many good memories together, because i don't want to be the one that's seen as "the bad friend"... probably a combination of all of these things, but it still just sucks. I know i have a lot of resentment towards her right now -- a lot of hurt feelings over things. But i think the part that hurts me the most, is that, as much as i'm beginning to cut ties, i realize its because she started to first. And the fact that i didn't really do anything to deserve her just cutting me out of her life is difficult. My friends say its because she has a guilty conscience. And because she's the kind of person that rather than deal with confrontation, will just eliminate anything that will bring confrontation (ie, me). Anyway, i'm just having a tough time with this, trying to move on, trying to not have negative feelings, but its hard... Found this quote the other day, and this is exactly how i feel...

"Its really amazing when two stranges become the best of friends, but it's really sad when the best of friends become two strangers."

I don't know what the future holds for our friendship. Maybe we'll just become the kind of friends that occassionally emails a hello once every few months. That's practically what it is now. Maybe eventually i'll decide to write her a letter expressing how i feel (i haven't yet because a- im still really angry about the whole situation and b- because she hates confrontation and thus will just ignore or deny) or maybe i'll just move on and realize that she wasn't as good of a friend as i always thought she was.

Oh well... at least i'm getting it off my chest, indirectly but i guess that can still be therapeutic no? Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated! Otherwise, have a great weekend and i'll give you the recap on Monday!

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